Week 4:  Grief, Forgiveness, Unmet Needs & Stepping into Healing

Masterclass Week 5

Additional Learning

To supplement your self understanding you may find it useful to dig deeper into your own attachment style. This is not a necessary part of the course material, so please focus on the appointed tasks first, you may even want to come back to this at a later day. You can click here to access the quiz.

Homework: Week 5 

Our relationship with ourselves is the foundation for all relationships. It’s the foundation of everything. Part of this relationship involves having a dialogue with ourselves. It involves identifying our needs and responding to them. Because this is also the foundation for a fulfilling life.

Below are a series of self enquiry questions that will help you identify your own unmet needs.

  1. How do I feel about how I’m currently taking care of myself?
  2. Where do I feel fulfilled (in the different categories I’ve picked or created)?
  3. Where do I feel empty or starved (in the different categories I’ve picked or created)?
  4. Where would I like to invest my time and energy (both of which are finite; i.e., precious resources?
  5. What are the top three activities that bring me calm? How can I incorporate them into my weekend, week or month?
  6. What are the top three activities that bring me joy? How can I incorporate them into my weekend, week or month?
  7. What activities, beliefs and behaviors am I saying yes to that I’d actually like to let go?
  8. What activities, beliefs and behaviors am I saying no to that I’d actually like to adopt?
  9. What boundaries do I need to set to protect my time and myself?
  10. At the end of each day what do I wish I had done? (This question isn’t about being more “efficient” or “productive.” Rather, it’s about the fun, fulfilling, interesting, meaningful, awe-inspiring, wonderful things you wish you got a chance to do.)

Please remember that you don’t need to earn self-care. You don’t need to lose X number of pounds to finally deserve to ask yourself what you need and then respond to it; to finally earn respect from yourself and others; to finally use your voice and speak up for your dreams. You don’t need to complete a certain project, certain reps at the gym or your entire to-do list to participate in calming, joyful activities. All you have to do is be yourself. Exactly as you are. At any weight. Any shape. Any size. Any productivity level. Any accomplishment. You’re enough, EXACTLY as you are.

Weekly Task: Week 5

Working with forgiveness can take time, but it’s important that you are actually doing it for yourself and not the other person (people). This week, write a letter to anyone in your childhood that you need to ‘forgive’, this could be one person, or multiple people.  In this letter you should express all of the hurt, anger and sadness that you have felt in relation to this person, the impact their actions/behaviours had on you, & why you are choosing to forgive them. For some, this will may feel challenging and you may initially find some resistance to the act of forgiveness (This is absolutely fine), just do as much as you can and come back to this task later if too difficult to achieve initially.

HERE IS AN EXAMPLE LETTER

Dear person,

I am writing this letter because I deserve to live a life free from my past of which you played a significant part. Your behaviour when I was a child was totally inappropriate.  Taking my things without warning was both cruel and unnecessary, you made me feel insignificant and distant from my friends. (* Continue with all other ‘issues’ with this person). On reflecting back as an adult, I now realise that you were emotionally immature, cruel towards me because it made you feel powerful and in control of ‘something’ in your life. Your projections unto me made a lasting impact, I spent many years in addiction trying to escape how you made me feel, I lost years of my life to depression and anxiety (*again continue noting down every way in which you feel you were hurt by the other person). On reflection I no longer wish to carry this hurt and resentment towards you because I DESERVE to be free of it. I recognise these were YOUR wounds that you pushed unto me and I no longer accept them as my own. I FREE MYSELF FROM YOU.

Remember, this is just an example letter, you write it from your own heart & you can come back to this  letter as often as you need.

Healing Session: Week 5

This weeks healing session is ‘unusual’ in so much as YOU will be doing your own healing work.

Re-writing your own story:

During the healing process, we often find that how we look at our past ‘changes’. For instance those places where we usually found anger and resentment, we may later look back on as gifts of knowledge and growth instead.

*Activity*

Imagine you are a ‘screenwriter’ and you are about to write the script to a blockbuster movie and that movie, is one of your life. There will be highs and lows in the story, tense moments, sadness & loss and laughter and fun. A truly unique tale. In the writing process you need to get the ‘outline’ to your story. Is it a horror movie? A comedy? A thirller? What is the story line? Is the protagonist (you) a hero or a villain? Is it a story of defeat or overcoming? So many choices!

Take the time to ponder on your ‘script of life’, how do you want the story to be told and write a short description like you would see normally for the release of a new movie.

Example:

In this psychological thriller a young boy defeats all odds by overcoming and abusive home, full of violence and addiction.

Caught in a world he called ‘normal’, John became the primary care givers for his younger siblings as he watched his mother delve deeper into addiction, resulting in many violent men entering the home. This story tells of Johns bravery to overcome against all odds, how he kept both him and his siblings alive and saved his mother from overdose on many occasions. You’ll be brought on a journey of deep sadness and moments of hopelessness as John navigates a very adult world, but one in his which he finds his strength, his voice and demonstrates his extreme resilience. You’ll cry, laugh and be on the edge of your seat.