I’m writing this as the rain beats down outside, unto that familiar pavement that I once played “1-2-3” on, where I scrapped my knees running too hard down the hill, where I lived my youth. Yet here I am decades later and that childlike adventure, freedom and joy for life still throbs inside me just as vibrantly as it once had.
I have moved back to my childhood home for a few weeks, whilst I decide where in this amazing world I want to experience next. And guess what? The not knowing feels good. The flowing in the moment, embracing the changes of my own consciousness and keeping the doors of possibility open is the true freedom I find in my own being. So why do so many people feel the need to tell me where I am “not making wise decisions?” Probably because I am the mother to an amazing 4-year-old little girl and well, living life “in the moment”, is not deemed as conducive to a “solid foundation” by the worlds standards.
This blog, whilst based on my own personal stories, is intended to raise the conscious awareness of all who take time to read it, by getting you to see things from another perspective.
You don’t suit that lipstick Janet”, but I like it. “That dress doesn’t suit you”, but I feel good wearing it. “You need to figure out what you’re going to do next”, but I don’t believe this. Yet still, the opinions come, just as they have done for my entire life to date. Most often with the greatest of intentions, but the people who offer their opinion are forgetting the key aspect, I am not you. So how could you possibly know what I need or want?
We live in a world of defined borders, traditions, what is deemed as ‘right and wrong’ and ultimately a pre-defined vision of what happiness is supposed to be and for most this means following everyone else. Yet somehow, even as a child I knew I didn’t want to be like everyone else, or indeed achieve what I was ‘supposed to’ out of this life. Why? Because everyone around me seemed to operate from a level of unhappiness.
It took me many years to realise that what I knew as a child was indeed true, that happiness comes from living your life how you want.
I went to school, then to University, earned a Hons Degree and then started ‘working life’, of which I achieved ‘success’ quickly, through a succession of promotions. It’s not to say I didn’t ‘enjoy’ this experience and it afforded me many opportunities to travel around the world and meet some amazing people, for which I am truly thankful, but even when I was at ‘the peak of my career’, had ‘bought my own home’ and was operating from a level the world told me would make me happy, I always felt like something was missing. Something just didn’t feel right. It was as though my own sub conscious was screaming at me to notice the mis-alignment of my life purpose, but my conscious awareness at the time wouldn’t allow me to see it.
Then I, quite unexpectedly, became a mum. My life changed forever.
Maybe it was the sudden responsibility for another human being? The fact I wasn’t on a plane every other month? Or just simply the fact I could no longer ‘run away’ from myself, but my whole world changed. For the first time in my life I wasn’t on ‘autopilot’ and I really started to look at what made me truly happy. My first discovery was that none of the things I had achieved to date where it.
The following years have led me down the path towards the freedom and joy of self. Acknowledging that we are all different, have different needs and what is right for one may not be conducive to another. It has helped me acknowledge that life is a beautiful tapestry of experiences to help bring you back to your true self. Sometimes giving you what you desire and other times not, but all with the intention of helping you see who you really are by showing you who you are not.
I trust myself now. I trust my life. I trust the Universe. I trust that the only person who knows what I need is me. I trust that the things I knew as a child where in fact true.
I don’t get those niggling doubts of confusion anymore because I live my life for me. With good vibrations and positivity. I don’t feel the need to impress anyone or become someone for others to acknowledge, because I understand happiness is not something that can be found in this world but in the fragrance of our own being.
My life, whilst I would say is profoundly different from 10 years ago, is more in touch now, with the child who played games on the street, the child who knew happiness was an inside job, the child who knew all things were possible, the child who loved the experience of joy in each moment and I truly couldn’t be happier.
As humans we need to realise that true happiness and personal fulfilment does not come from what is expected of us. It comes from living each moment in our own personal truth, with our own integrity and truly just doing what we love in each and every moment.
If something in your life doesn’t feel right or you are simply feeling a little unhappy then start to investigate where your own life has been talking to you, trying to help you see that you are unique, you are a wonderful expression of consciousness and you not only deserve to be happy but you are worthy of the happiness.
“Be yourself no matter what. Some will adore you and some will hate everything about you. But who cares? ITS YOUR LIFE. Make the most out of it” – Author unknown.