The subtle layers of ego

I truly love my job, I spend my days interacting with some of the most profoundly beautiful souls, who are all committed to ‘self-discovery’ and for me this is my bliss, joy and life’s passion. Indeed, I don’t even like to use the word ‘job’, because it has so many worldly connotations towards a negative slant, that don’t seem to resonate with how I feel about what I do. Instead I call it my life’s purpose.

Whilst it is only a few days in I feel I have walked into April with a new perspective, clarity and another level of self-discovery. I spent most of March (perhaps due to the watery influence of Pisces), in contemplation, low energy levels and generally meditating and napping.  However, towards the end of March my energy levels returned, and I felt abundant, with a creative flow of ideas about my work.

Some of these creative ideas, like the Reiki study, I felt so compelled and guided to start immediately (for those who are not part of my reiki group, I am doing a 2-month study on the effects of 7 consecutive days of 1:1 Reiki healing, with numerous ‘volunteers’. This means I have also added two hours of healing to my daily routine) and other things have just ‘transpired’, such as organising a retreat with some beautiful Yogis, or starting the process of taking my 1:1 ‘Life Changer’ course into an online course, so that more people can benefit from it. All in all, it has been a busy few weeks, yet simultaneously I have noticed a feeling of ‘not doing enough’, transpiring for me.

Generally, I am a person who ‘lets life flow’, takes each day as it comes and tries to appreciate and contemplate the lessons from everything that life transpires. Yet, within the last few days I have come to the profound realisation that I am not doing this with my own business. I have a ‘to do list’ that really seems to ‘never get completed’ within the timeframe I have dictated in my mind. Some examples would be the monthly newsletter (anyone notice there wasn’t a newsletter for March?), or the weeks it is taking me to update my Reiki training manuals, that in essence, should take a few days. My mind has started to tell me that ‘this is wrong’, ‘Your not doing tasks within a certain timeframe’ and ‘this will end in disaster’. But actually, is any of this true? This last few days it has been really brought to my consciousness, that of course it is not true and I have now seen how much it has occupied my thoughts and energy.

When I really look at this, I see the Universe is blessing me every day, consistently and constantly. Bringing in people and situations and experiences that have been so wonderful, but I would not have ‘predicted’ to have occured. Yet my mind was wanting to focus on what I ‘haven’t done’. Almost like it was ‘berating me’ for not being good enough.

Just as I came to this realisation, I picked up the phone to talk to my good friend, who was having some ‘challenges’ in their life, having had a perception for some time, that ‘nothing is going right for them’. I spoke for some time on my conscious discovery, that my mind was playing such subtle games, ‘going under the radar’ if you like, but still causing havoc, taking my consciousness away from the moment, from the gratitide of ‘just being’. My friend noted, “When I look now, I see that I didn’t get what I wanted, but it gave me the opportunity to go deeper into self and discover parts that I never knew existed and actually who I am now, is a much different person to who I was when I asked for those things and actually I like myself a whole lot more now. If only I had surrendered at the time, I would have saved myself from all the worry  I projected”.

Life really is about letting the process ‘flow’. I would say I do this for most aspects of my life and with relative ease, letting it transpire in it’s own perfect time, knowing that everything is in divine order. Yet ironically, I missed this in my work. Perhaps because I work in the ’spiritual’ field that I subconsciously thought the ego could not touch this? Or perhaps because what I had ‘intended’ to complete was ‘deemed important’ in my mind. But it has certainly been an eye opener. The ego slips through in many different ways, making us believe we are ‘off course’, ‘not doing enough’ etc, yet to ‘think’ this, is going against the very principle that ‘life is in perfect order’. Sure, it may not be what we ‘wanted’ or ‘expected’, but this doesnt mean it is against us and when we really look, we will see it was actually perfectly orchestrated.

If you can, have a little look at your life. Are there aspects that you ‘regret’ or believe are not ‘transpiring as they should’? Then take another look and see what really has transpired. Have you missed the lesson? The joy? The expansion? The new opportunity? Or is your mind focused on what ‘hasn’t happened’?  The universe truly does ‘have our backs’, sometimes we need to breathe and notice this.

If you want to join my Reki group, you can do so here 

2018-04-06T15:17:20+00:00

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