It’s now been 40 minutes and those desperate sobs are still coming through the receiver of the phone. A mixture between desperation and relief of finally telling the truth of what is really going on palpable in their voice.
As I quietly listen to the current situation of my friend’s life being verbalised, I silently wonder why they didn’t speak up before. Why it has taken the situation to reach an unbearable point for them to finally tell someone and more importantly how I wasn’t aware of this painful truth. They then utter the words “I guess I felt stupid for choosing what I did”.
This is one of my oldest friends, someone I would have thought knew I wouldn’t have judged them. I also realise in this moment, that many of the emotions they are feeling now, I too felt and in my attempt to let them know it is ‘normal’ to feel like this and share my own story, I suddenly realise that this is the first time I too verbalised my truth.
The question is why do we hide that which is deemed as ‘undesirable’ life events?
We live in a world that is by all accounts a ‘projection’ of the perfect life. Social media accounts, filtered, photoshopped and tagged with hastags such as #blessed and #amazinglife, showing a perfect image of our own life events.
I am fairly new to the ‘social media’ bandwagon and in truth I only entertained it because my work required it. Prior to that I truly had no interest in seeing the doctored life of others because this is what it is; doctored to present an almost ‘too perfect’ life. Those ‘perfect husbands and children’, the ‘phenomenal experiences’, the ‘amazing friends’ and well, generally all those things they believe others will want to see. Rarely do I see posts about peoples ‘money worries’, the ‘crippling anxiety’ that holds them back from really enjoying their lives or indeed the ‘betrayal’ of those that they loved, just to name a few life experiences. Alas, this is the world we live in. An illusion of reality.
So why do we feel the need to present ourselves in only a perfect light? Is it the fear of judgement? Of not being good enough? Of wanting to evoke jealousy from others? Only our individual self can truly answer this, but one thing is for sure, it happens. We can’t wait to talk about all the ‘good’ things yet rarely interact and share the ‘negative experiences’.
I guess in my own life it has been a mixture of reasons to not share. Would anyone really want to know about all my woes? Will I be judged? And to be fair, I have always been my own ‘problem solver’, so I guess there was an element of not needing the advice of others. Nonetheless, doing the work I do, being a conscious life coach, I know my from my own life and that of others, it is rarely the ‘positive’ life events that help us grow, but rather, the events that bring us to our knees, that rip our heart out, that makes us question the very essence of our own being. So without these events, who then would we be?
The intention of my page ‘Fully Fearless Freedom’ was created to help everyone see that some of the kindest, strongest most empathetic people in this world, have ‘suffered’ major life events and were able to overcome. Opening their lives to the real truth of themselves, helping them see that ‘experiences’ are just that, an experience, which does not and will not change the beautiful, perfect, essence that lives inside each one of us. Bringing with it lessons of truth and beauty, showing that the ‘worst can happen’ and yet we still somehow exist.
I am not perfect by the worlds standards, no one is. I sometimes say the wrong thing, make the wrong decisions or indeed act in the wrong way. Yet the word ‘wrong’ is just how the world projects these lessons. When we look again, we see the word ‘wrong’ should be replaced with ‘awakening’. Each of the ‘undesirable’ traits of self, helping to awaken the absolute truth of our inner most being. Helping us grow. Helping us realign with a different pupose. Giving us knowledge that no amount of books, seminars or retreats will help us see. I am now thankful for the ‘mistakes’ and for the fact my life didn’t always go the way I wanted it to, because with each experience I learnt something new about myself and came to a deeper understanding that all is truly well.
As a conscious life coach I will tell you that ‘There is nothing wrong’, ‘Your life is just as it should be’ and I mean this. We are ALL enough. ALL of us. Life is indeed about growth and learning at all times. There should be no reason to feel shame or guilt. You are who you are and this is absolutely enough. Everyone suffers but only a few will share.
Start to share your truth. Share it with your friends, your family, a stranger on the street, because by doing so you open the gateway of true support and learning and you will notice that by sharing your own vulnerabilities others will share back. Each one of us, supporting the other. Each one of us recognising that we are in fact good enough, that ‘perfection’ doesn’t exist and that EVERYONE, no matter how big the smile, how much money is in the bank, or indeed how ‘perfect’ our lives seem to others will have had to deal with their own points of suffering and that indeed, this is the true essence of life itself.
If you have a story to share, please contact me on firstname.lastname@example.org and we will look at publishing your experience into the Fully Fearless Freedom section of this site. Let your life become an encouragement and learning for others, help them see that we are all good enough, ‘mistakes’ and all.